pour out my soul
a theme throughout my walk with jesus has been the overwhelming desire to pour out my soul to the Lord. I read about Paul, how he wanted his life to be completely spent on glorifying God. I read about Hannah in 1 Samuel, pouring out her soul to the Lord in her grief and anguish. And I read about Jesus, who answers every “how can I receive eternal life?” question with one response: pour out your whole soul to the Lord. And as heart-wrenching as it is, the reality is that often we have too much pride to really pour out all of our soul. in mark chapter 10, the rich young ruler walks away from the open arms of the real, true, in-the-flesh jesus; sad. sad because he cannot quite pour out his whole soul to the Lord. What if we are standing face-to-face with Jesus and he says, “there’s still a little bit of your soul left. let me have it.” What would we do? would we give it up? would we receive jesus’ mercy in that moment? or, would we walk away, full of sorrow?
I think often times pouring out my soul to the Lord looks like spending my life on loving others. that is true of my desire to be a good young life leader, my desire to be a loyal daughter and sister, and my passionate desire to be the hands and feet of jesus in haiti. recently, I had the opportunity to partner with Vail Christian Academy to do a fundraiser for a small, very poor school in Haiti (read about it here). the school has not had funds to pay their six teachers salaries for the past three months (the whole school year). but everyday, these teachers show up. every day, these six men choose to spend their day pouring out their soul to the Lord through serving the children in their community. is there more of their soul left to pour out to the Lord? probably. are they doing the best they can to pour it all out for God and his precious children today? yes. and so when I am considering my life, how I want to spend my days, what I want my soul to be tied up with, I think of these men. I think of how a soul spent & poured out to jesus is a soul that is well. and when it really comes down to it, nothing matters more to me, than my soul being emptied at the end of this day, at the end of this life.
because of the staff, students, and families of vail christian academy, we are able to make up for the past three months of no salaries for the teachers, with some left over to surprise students with some books and backpacks. and i still find myself asking; is there more of my soul left to pour out to these people? within the sweetness of jesus, i have realized that only when my soul is emptied out at His feet can it begin to be filled with His joy.
1 Samuel 1:15- I have been pouring out my soul before the Lord!!
