december 11, 2018

today was a long and hard day. the end was so sweet and rewarding though. i danced in the rain and sang “i love you lord” and played tag. i got to squeeze Danise and give Ketia a piggy back ride even though she’s too big and i jumped and cheered and screamed when the “new” school bus came rolling down the hill because that means road trips! nights like this are why i go through days like today. because my whole heart loves these kids. and i know complicated things go on beyond (and within) the walls and politics are everywhere and even the seemingly good people are broken with fatal flaws. but i squeezed Danise so tight and exchanged “i love yous” and tears welled up in my eyes. there’s so much dark here and in all honesty today was discouraging as i focused heavily on the dark. but then tonight i was reminded of the light. the goodness. it is here. it’s in the big tight hugs from elson and djuedson and it’s in the cross ronaldo gave me and it’s in the card Alounda gave Blake and it’s in the laughs and smiles i shared with Son and Mushley today. there’s light in the way i hear my name being shouted by shrill voices when i’m not even at the orphanage and there’s light in me getting to give Kimberly a new dress. and the endless giggles and tickles and smiles and hugs. that is what i will chose to focus on today.

i can let the dark/heavy overwhelm me, but i must stay focused on the light. i am not strong enough to stay in the darkness. Jesus is, and Jesus does. i will go to the heavy places, but i will not stay there. at the end of the day, i must always return to the light. i must breathe. i can’t continue my work breathless and drowning. so yes, today was heavy. but it had so much good. and that, i am so thankful for.

My prayer is not that you take them out of the world but that you protect them from the evil one. they are not of the world, even as I am not of it. (John 17:14-15)